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April 14, 2017

6 Secrets to Moving on from Conflict 

We will always have conflict in our lives, we are human and no one is perfect. At some point we misconstrue someone’s intent or words and let our insecurities take over. As I’ve gotten older I’ve learned to take things less personally but also push people to the curb that I can’t seem to connect with. With that said I am no expert but I have lived a life of meeting a lot of people and learning from every encounter. Here are my secrets to stop fighting with someone or to move on once you have.

1. Don’t hash things out. You don’t have to talk about everything and say everything to someone to move on. Write down exactly how you feel be as blunt and mean as you can be. Take a few days to add or delete to this letter, simmer and stew and obsess and then on the fourth day print it and tear it up. Tear it up with the intention to let it all go, let go of the feelings, the words and the expectations.

2. Realize the person is human and therefore makes mistakes. I make mistakes all the time and yes for the most part I try to own it and apologize. But some people do not have this word in their vocabulary and that’s ok. Be ok with the fact that you will never get an apology and remember that person isnt perfect and you can’t change them.

3. Take a second and look at the big picture. Is this usual behavior for this person? If it is unlike the person, forgive and forget you’d want them to do the same for you. If  this person always starts a fight and you can’t seem to get away from their attacks. Why are you keeping this person in your life? Some people are meant to be dropped like the lack of reality they seem to live in. And that’s ok.

4. Know where people go in your life, some people are on the table with you and you see or talk to them daily or weekly. Some people go on and off the shelf next to the table according to how life goes and timing. Some friends or family are put on the highest shelf collecting dust and never leave the place they’re put. Know who your tribe is and treat them accordingly. I for one am done trying to make nice with people that are just plain negative and live in their own fantasy world. I’m starring in my own movie and will not be a camera man in someone else’s lifetime sequence.

5. Focus on you and your goals it’s not your business what people think of you. Most the time people are projecting their problems on to you anyway and thus are creating drama. And in my experience the people that say they hate drama are usually the ones writing the script for the day time drama they live. #moveonfromthesepeople and focus on your life, your goals and what you think about yourself.

6. Listen to understand not to respond. People are always telling or showing you their insecurities. Try your best to hear and see what they are telling you and try to understand. You will see what lens they are looking through and you will find a genuine common ground that can lead to moving on quicker and easier and remaining friends. Trying to understand someone will releases your expectations of them and the blame for the conflict. If we all try to understand each other a bit more every conflict would end with both parties feeling heard and both sides  being able to move on to more important things.

I am no relationship expert but I have a lot of family and friends in my life. If I would of known these tips years ago it would save me a lot of heartache and time. But I guess that’s how I was able to come up with these  6 secrets in the first place.

Thanks for coming to the party today I hope you are all experiencing autonomy in all aspects of your life and have no need for these tips at all. Now let me get back to my Real Housewives Reunion. #pantygate

7 Comments on “6 Secrets to Moving on from Conflict 

Karen Drinkard
April 15, 2017 at 2:51 pm

Cannot tell you how much I LOVE this post!! Keepin’ it real is the deal!

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HeidiMaeSearle
April 15, 2017 at 3:35 pm

I agree with you so much! Ps loving the lash boost and it’s only been a week

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Keri
June 10, 2017 at 10:22 pm

This is so good! I loved number 1 and am going to start that!

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Heidi Mae Searle
June 10, 2017 at 10:53 pm

Thank you Keri! Xx

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Heidi Mae Searle
June 16, 2017 at 3:55 pm

Thanks for you comment Keri I appreciate you!m and your words!!

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Kirstie Ganobsik
June 11, 2017 at 9:51 pm

This one was my favorite: “Focus on you and your goals it’s not your business what people think of you.” I also love that you encourage listening to establish common ground. This is sage advice that I’ll definitely be working more on – I think we’ve all become so focused on our differences that we sometimes forget just how much we have in common. Loved this piece!

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Heidi Mae Searle
June 11, 2017 at 11:00 pm

Thank you! I’m so glad you agree and aren’t we all always trying to work on it? Man that’s life! I swear you think you have things figured out and then life throws another curve ball at ya!

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